Getting your "P" Back; Let's talk about Accountability Week 4

Hey there, let's dive into a real conversation today! I always kick things off with a question (lol, it's my way of getting you pumped for our chat), but hey, let me throw this out there: why is it so darn difficult to admit when we've made a mistake? Why the struggle to say, "Oops, I messed up", "My bad", or even "Yep, I got myself into this mess"? It's time to get real, folks! And before you jump in with "But I do take responsibility," hold up a sec. Taking accountability means owning it, no buts or excuses. It's about looking in the mirror, owning your part in the situation, and figuring out how to grow from it. No more finger-pointing or playing the blame game. To truly own it, you've gotta fully embrace your role, learn from it, and make a change for the better. Let's own our actions, learn from our missteps, and grow into our best selves!

See, I am a firm believer that God will continue to place you in the same situation repeatedly until you learn and change your approach, behavior, or how you handle the situation. I can honestly say up until 7 years ago when I met my current boyfriend, I continued to repeatedly date the same person. Now I am not saying that it was literally the same person, but the results were always the same. I gave and gave and gave so much of myself repeatedly and got nothing in return. I always felt like o they will love me better if I gave them some money. So guess what I did, "Boo and hell sometimes it was Hey Maiysha, I need XYZ and I don't know where I am going to get the money from". And you already know Maiysha here to the rescue. "How much you need?" or "I got you", of course promising to pay me back and never seeing that money again, but the fake reality that I lived in made me think well he does love me and this is what couples do they help each other. I know one day this will be my husband and so I have to show him that I am good enough and I can hold him down. Wrong, I was completely wrong. I gave my money, my heart, and my body to these men that really did not have the best intentions for me, but afterwhile I was like it's not them it's me.

Several situations I can recall, but let's just think back to my last week post. See for so many years I had been giving myself to men. Over and over and over again. Not realizing in the moment that I was part of the problem. I didn't understand why God had not sent me my husband yet. See I thought I was ready I thought like " Damn, I know I am a good woman, so it's them and I am going to pray to God to bring me a good man", but thing was I was meeting men who all in some way did the same things and I was in the same situations and each time the relationship ended the hurt, hurt a little more than the last time. I was losing more and more of myself each time, but I kept blaming the man and didn't understand why things were happening to me. So after the last time I was facing losing my freedom, my kids, my family, everything all behind a man, I told myself I have to make some changes and I will start by looking at myself and asking myself what part did I play in this situation. See standing in front of a judge and my parents not knowing what my future was in that moment was the biggest eye opener. So in that moment, I said Maiysha this is your fault. No it doesn't matter how you were even introduced to this life, but this is your fault, because I felt like I had to go that extra step so that this man would love me more, hell even like me more, I allowed this situation to be brought to my home. My home that my kids should feel safe, my home where I should feel safe and be happy. I allowed this to come into my home, so Maiysha at this point what are you going to do to make things better.

I thought to myself, you have lost yourself. You don't even respect yourself enough or your kids because if you did you would not have allowed this toxicity to come into your families safe place. How could you lose yourself that much, all for the love of a man, but in actuality when I looked at the situation did I even love myself during that time. How could I be a better mom, girlfriend, sister, daughter, or friend if I did not love myself.

I took the time to learn to love myself. I dedicated myself to healing and taking accountability for my actions. Recognizing and owning up to my part in the situations I faced was the crucial first step towards initiating the healing process in my life. While it's not an easy task, it's essential. It's about acknowledging that while someone else's actions are not your fault, what you are responsible for is allowing those actions to continue affecting you. It's about making the choice to not remain in harmful situations and taking action towards change. We often overlook the fact that we do have choices in such circumstances. It's imperative to take responsibility for the decisions we make while navigating through these challenges. It's not about blaming oneself for the circumstances but about acknowledging the power we have in shaping our own lives. Reflecting on my past experiences, I realized that I allowed certain situations to unfold by my own choices. Now, it's about facing the consequences and making the necessary changes to move forward. It's about showing myself the love and respect I seek from others. It's about striving to be a better version of myself in all aspects of my life - as a mother, a woman, a sister, a daughter, a friend, a girlfriend, and ultimately, a wife.

These were the questions I had to ask myself and the things I had to ponder deeply. I took a proactive step by turning to prayer, not to simply ask for a good man or happiness, but for peace. I sought divine guidance to detoxify my life from anything that did not serve me well. I made the decision to distance myself from friends, romantic interests, and even took a break from family to prioritize my healing journey. A pivotal moment in my path to self-love was reading "The Wait" by Meagan Good and her husband at the time. This book inspired me to embark on what they referred to as "a journey", where I focused solely on my own needs and desires. I made it clear to the men I was in contact with that I was no longer seeking physical intimacy or a relationship, as I was committed to nurturing self-love. This shift in my priorities may have led some to drift away, but I found contentment in my newfound independence. Through this transformative journey, I rediscovered my self-worth and regained confidence. I learned to love and appreciate myself, Maiysha, without seeking validation or beauty from anyone else.

My daughter and I frequently discuss that period in my life. Despite her young age at the time, she acknowledges that we were happy and enjoyed a lot of peace. It is reassuring to know that even though she may not have fully grasped my struggles, she recognized the positive impact of the changes I made, which brought happiness and tranquility to our home. Now, at 20 years old, she reflects on that time when we were at our happiest, just the two of us (and my son), away from the outside world. She now understands the importance of returning home to a peaceful environment and is determined to protect her peace at all costs. My children witness me in a fulfilling relationship, one that I had prayed for over the years. I realized that I needed to love myself before allowing someone else to love me. While I continue to grow and learn, this current relationship has been instrumental in my personal development and has shown me the true essence of love. It has taught me the significance of healing, taking responsibility for my actions, and becoming the woman I am today. Remember, it's not your fault if someone mistreats you, but it's crucial to reflect on the choices you make and consider what actions you can take to improve the situation or bring about change.

These will not be easy questions nor will taking accountability be easy, but when you think about healing from past traumas. Healing from toxic situations. What will you take accountability for? Remember, in order for you to begin healing you have to be ready to accept accountability for your part and be will to forgive, not for the other person or persons who may be involved but forgiveness for yourself and this will not be easy but you have to do this to begin your journey.

This week, let's take some time and just write down things that you have gone through and that you are working to heal from. Think about your choices as to why you may be going through a situation or why it may seem that you are in the same cycle in life and you are not happy about this cycle. What can you do to start healing or start making changes. Remember always that I love you and appreciate you.

Self Care= Top Tier Love