Getting your "P" back: It's time for a change Week 3

Let's start our chat with saying a prayer because I know today this topic will be a touchy spot for some people and it's ok we will get through it together.

Dear God, I come to you to ask you to bless each person that takes the time to support and read my blog weekly. I pray that you touch their hearts and mind as they read my blog today and allow them to be open to improving their life and putting in the honest work to want to allow change into their life and ultimately want to reclaim their "P". Dear God let each person reading this know that this place is a place of love and sincerity, also a place to heal those parts of our life that has been damaged and broken. We are here God with your help to heal brokenness and allow you to open our minds and heart to accept the change that is needed to create a new ME. Thank you for everything, Amen.

Soooo tonight we are going to start our chat with me having each of you to ask yourself a question. You want to create a new you, we want to introduce the world to a new ME but we don't know or can't understand what is holding us back. So ask yourself what is holding me back from advancing my life to the next level. Have you heard the saying to get comfortable, you have to get uncomfortable. Or even you will continue to get the same results if you continue to do the same things. Well all of these sayings are true. I cannot get a change or get to the next level if I keep doing the same thing. Like you want to save money ( we all want to do this, I know I do, lol) but every time I get some money guess what I am going shopping, out to eat, ordering something (that I don't need) and then mad because now I am back where I started. Well how in the world can I save if I don't change that behavior. You say o I just want to treat myself, I deserve it but really do you need it and think about it if you put the money to the side then when its time for that vacation you have been wanting or you can put towards getting the new car you need. So how in the world will I get to these goals if I don't change my behavior and stop spending all the time my extra money on frivolous things that I don't need. Same works in life we want a change but we are still allowing people to use us or we are lowering our standards to make others happy because we want to be accepted. Thing is both men and woman we go into the world getting into situations aka relationships (because huni I am here to let you know regardless of what you think some situations we are in are just that situations because every person we are with does not equal a true meaningful relationship). I can speak to that from first hand experience I lowered my standards, accepted things I knew was not right, brought issues and drama into my life and in the back of my mind I want to leave or I am sick of this or this is not for me but I still stayed. This goes for friendships and relationships. I had to ask myself why do I keep allowing this in my life. As I said before never was I considered ugly or I didn't grow feeling like I needed acceptance, but as I got older I wanted to be accepted and wanted to feel like I was in the "in crowd" as we call it, so as I got older I knew I needed a change, but if I change then next they won't like me or they won't want to be with me. I began living in fear. Fear is a big reason why we allow these things to happen to us. Fear stops us from being our best selves because we are worried of rejection. You want to feel better about you and want to level up but you don't want to set boundaries because "o they won't like me anymore if I say NO", NO is a powerful word, hell NO is a powerful phrase, a complete sentence. Learn to use it.

I have so many times in my life where I realized I needed to set boundaries because I wanted a change. I would make a small change but eventually would go back to doing the same things over and over again. Would find myself leaving situations and then end up different scenario, different people, but same results. I became as they call it a people pleaser. So I knew you were using me and I knew I was being talked about but because I felt like at the time no it's not like that, they are my friends, or this is my man he does love me or they won't hurt me I didn't want to accept the fact that this was happening so I continued to do things that I now look back and see them as stupid things to make other people happy. I have been set up for people to fight me, threaten me, and even jeopardize my freedom. I knew I needed a change and I knew I needed to learn to create boundaries and eliminate people from my life to make a change but I didn't quite know how to do that. I didn't know what to do because I really didn't want to lose my so called friends or boyfriend and that is real tea. I remember after my last time where my life had been shaken to its core. I lost my job, I didn't have money working bs jobs here and there to take care of my kids, my car was a piece of crap that broke down every other day. I even had job offers left and right and when the start date came I would get a call saying " I'm sorry Ms. Lewis, but we will no longer be able to offer you this position" not understanding why. So one day after I took a job that at the time I was like I know I deserve better than this but yet here I am because I have 2 kids that need me. On my way to work in my car and I get a flat tire. So my first week in training late due to a flat tire and of course the state trooper pulls up behind me and ask am I ok of course by this time I had already called for help to change my tire ( I am not a car person, I know how to pump gas lol, that is all), but anywho I told him I have someone on the way to help thanks. He was like ok and went back to his car. I noticed he was sitting behind me for a while I was like o he just is making sure I am ok, that's nice (lol, stupid me) and then I see he comes back to my window. He asked me to step out, of course he asked my name and asked me did I know why he pulled me out, in my mind I am thinking o damn, my insurance must had lapsed cause I knew I had missed a payment and Idk if my license was suspended or anything. He says no, umm Ms. Lewis you have a warrant for your arrest for possession of marijuana and a list of other things. WTF, I didn't know what to do, I was scared and angry, but because stupid me being with someone who didn't give 2 F's about me now I was in a situation because of this man and I automatically knew what the problem was, what happen, everything and at this point what could I do other than deal with it. I went through the process and I swear God was with me the whole time from the encounter with the trooper to the people I came across in intake, to my court date, my lawyer I feel GOD placed these people in my path to help me. I knew at this time I had to make a change. I prayed and told God if you can get me out of this situation I promise I will make sure that I seriously set those boundaries and also detox my life of people in my life. My court date came and everything was dismissed and my lawyer even made sure that this situation would not affect me in my future job search (since this warrant is what held me back). I was so thankful and I knew at that time, yes it was time for a change, but of course old habits were hard to break.

I remember one of my first encounters where I was introduced to Sarah Jakes Roberts, she has a sermon she calls "Head winds", I don't know what it was about this particular sermon but it spoke to me, still does today. One particular part she says "God, please change my mind and change the mind of those around. Start helping people to say "O she's not fun no more", "I don't want to call her", help them to say that and help me to be ok with it. See I was fun when you could talk to me and treat me any kind of way and I went along with it, but when I started say NO I became the problem and you didn't want to be around me anymore, help them to say that and help me to be ok with it". I know probably paraphrased this but this has so much meaning and speaks to how we learn to get our "P" back. See thing is some of us, me included didn't want to admit that Maiysha I was the problem and then even when I did admit this I was too scared to change anything because I had become comfortable in the toxic situations I was in friendships and relationships both. See I understand that as I am leveling up and becoming a better me not all people are going come with me for this journey. Now I want everyone to succeed and everyone to reach their goals but everyone is not meant to come with me on my journey. I am ok now with not being invited, you don't even have to call me anymore, I am good with that. I am ok with saying I love you, but I no longer wish to include you in my circle. You have to go your way and I have to go mine. A lot of people don't like that at all, a lot of people don't want to look in the mirror and say it's me I am part of the problem because we waste time blaming everyone else for why we cannot do better or why we cannot level up. Stop allowing fear to hold you back. I have grown so much within the past year and I am happier with myself. I don't feel the need to be everyone's go to person feeling like I have to solve everyone's problem just to feel like if I do this then they will like me more. I am ok with growing into my own person, reclaiming my "P". I no longer allow things in my life that disrupt my peace. I am still a work in progress, trust I am not perfect but I know my boundaries and I am ok if along the way someone is left behind because they did not fit into my journey or they were a disruption to my journey of being a better me.

Hey everyone, let's try something new this week. How about starting a journal and setting some boundaries? It's time to think about the changes we need to make and how we're going to hold ourselves accountable. Making a change for the better isn't always easy, but it's definitely necessary. Instead of dwelling on what others are doing to you or have done, focus on how you can improve yourself. Remember, this journey is about becoming a better version of yourself, not about pleasing others. It may sound like a lot, and it's a vulnerable process, but sharing my story might just inspire someone else. I've faced many challenges and had to start over multiple times, but I'm evolving into a new person. I'm a work in progress, striving to be the best version of myself. This journey is all about self-improvement, benefiting not only my family and loved ones but primarily myself. Let's focus on personal growth and making the changes we want to see in our lives.

I love you all and remember SELF CARE = TOP TIER LOVE